glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
