I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
