I want to stick my p in your. b.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
