So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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