i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the liver wants what the liver wants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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