I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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