So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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