I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
