I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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