Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
