when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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