Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
