Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
