yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
