I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
