Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
