i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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