I like to think it a success when the cops are called
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
