At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
