I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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