He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
