Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
