A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you still have your period?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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