he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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