dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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