I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm too high and old for this...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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