she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
