You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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