I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
