Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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