i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
