Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
