Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
