You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
