Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it hurts more in the daytime
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
