the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
