Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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