Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
