okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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