he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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