I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
