I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well you can't waste a boner
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
