last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
