The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
