I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
