I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
