Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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