xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
