For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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