last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
