I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
