i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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