Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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