His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
